And… How!?

Well, where to start. I thought I was going to have a nervous break down the other day, to be frank! My career path is going nowhere, my money is a deep issue. So much so that I may have to give me bank card to my other half to be kept in his safe and have a certain amount of cash to see me through the weeks. And it’s all heating up! And worst of all, I don’t know what to do to stop it!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhgjbwowbgpq!

See!?

So, after a long hard think of all the things I’ve wanted to do since I left school, and what current experience I have etc etc, I have decided what I want to do…

When I left school, I wanted to be a designer of some kind. At that precise moment, an Architect. But after wasting a year in college doing all the right subjects, I changed my mind (didn’t quite fancy the 7 or whatever years in Uni…. mmmmmm-nah!). Then I went on to want to be a copper. Again. I say again as this went in and out of my head for years, even as a kid. I grew up with my mum being a Special Constable and I guess I fitted the bill pretty well. By this time I was working full time in a Photographic Printing Lab (ooooold styyyle!). I was printing photo’s, professional and amateur, and although I never got involved with the other side of lense, as much as I wanted to, I loved the job. Unfortunately hours got reduced due to the credit crunch and all that jazz and I was forced to become a receptionist in a hotel, then a gym. But back to the basics. I did an observation shift with the B Relief in Fratton Police Station. I worked 5pm till 3am on a Friday night and loved every minute of it. If you want to be a police officer, PLEASE!!! Do this before applying. I saw a lot of stuff that you might not think of, and there was other stuff that I never even thought of, such as sitting through a debrief. I won’t say too much so as not to get in trouble for confidentiality etc. But it was amazing and I would recommend it even to people who don’t want to be a police officer. But yeah, so since then I have been adamant. Unfortunately, the UK is in a bit of shit. And can’t afford to recruit anymore police officers until (rumored) 2015….. whaaaaa!? So what are my alternatives…?

Well I applied to be a Communication Controller at the Emergency Control Room for Hampshire Police. Unfortunately this also fell through and I didn’t get the job, despite my excellent application. Not blowing my horn, but it was amazing… TeeHee!

So what now….? I’ve decided. I wanted to be a police officer, to help people, to serve the community, to keep the shit off the streets, and to know I have a job where I have no idea what is going to happen in my day. And I’m nosey….? So, I’ve decided to train to be a Paramedic. Let’s face it. Good with people, love getting involved, love helping, and every time someone hurts themselves in the gym, I’m first to get the cold pack and anything else they need. We even have a defibrillator at work that I know how to use, and I’m getting myself on a First Aid course. But how the hell do I get into University now? I’m soon to be 21. I have called the college to get myself onto an Access Course to Higher Education in Science so I can then apply next year to do the FdSc Paramedic Science. But with over 500 applications a year and only 30 spaces, I need to have what it takes. I even called South Central Ambulance Service this morning to see if I can get work experience, but I don’t think they do it for obvious reasons. I’m even thinking of becoming a Health Care Support Worker in the local hospital so I can gt medical experience. Every little helps, right? Oh Em Gee!

Wish me luck! I’ll keep you posted….

Hello Tomorrow

So it’s been a bloody long time. And a lot has happened since then…

1. I bought a new phone! Yes. The iPhone has gone. Apple couldn’t do anything for me, neither could O2. So Phones4U bought it off me and traded me a brand new £35 per month contract on the new Blackberry Torch. And I don’t regret it. After reading a few reviews on the Torch, I was slightly unsure, after reading that the screen didn’t have as high a resolution as most smart phones now, and how there wasn’t much to rival the latest phones. But after actually biting the bullet and getting it, I am glad I did. It feels nice in my hand, it’s not too big or too small, and the convenience of the touch screen combined with a key pad has been utilised entirely in the few months I have had it.

2. My car. So… I was looking to fit my fibreglass arches, get the suspension sorted out, and I didn’t mention, however I had an MOT this week just gone. So, after a lot of hard work by my boyfriend and a few friends, the arches are on and the car is loooooooow. In fact it was so low, that if I put my foot under the car, the chassis rails touched the top of my shoe…. so for the MOT (the station was in the country side), my boyfriend raised it up by a whole 17mm. It’s still low as f@*!, but when it was lower…. I scraped the draines in the road…. That’s cool and all, but when the car is an every day car, nah! So up she went. And thankfully, she flew through the MOT with flying colours.  Also got a little sticker collection going on on the rear wing now.

3. Well, my boyfriend. He got himself a new job within the same company. Quite an interesting one. Ripping out cables and connections for old analogue antenna for TV’s. He really enjoys it which is why I have to become so supportive. I find it hard him being away. He is away for 10 days at a time, and then back for 4. It’s no where near as bad as some people who have partners in the forces etc. I know it’s only 10 days. But he’s only on his second stint now, and I think it’s just something I need to get used to more than anything. I haven’t told him that I get so soppy while he’s away, I just want to be supportive, because at the end of the day, it’s him that is in the middle of nowhere with a small team, not me. I still have things to do and people to see, where as he is limited to what is around him. It’s good though, that he has a good team to be with. And it’s nice when he comes home to spend quality time together for 4 days. It doesn’t stop me missing him though. Corny s@*! over though. On to the next thing.

4. THE WEATHER!! OMG! Any one in Portsmouth, UK will always be seen complaining of the weather. Rain, cold, frost, and sometimes, especially over the past few years, snow!! But April 2011 has been the hottest April in decades. It has reached a beautiful 25 degrees C at least! I’ve really wanted to get the roof off my car, but where it’s a hardtop I need somewhere to store it. I can store it in the shed, however I’d rather have a cover for it.

Well, I think that’s a wrap for a day. It’s good to be back. I’ll be in touch!

Stop!

So I’ve decided, that maybe I’ll take a break from the blogging. All I have to report is negative. And I know how negative reads can be a little, either infuriating, or depressing.

The past few days have been some of the best on one side of my life, and some of my worst on another. It’s funny. You should never fix what isn’t broken. It’ll only end up… broken.

In a bit people. Cold Play calls.

I’ll be back

A Scratch…

Listen to this woman, and you will naturally feel happy.

So my last post I had an “itch” as I put it. First and foremost, it was completely unrelated to this “scratch”. Man, this is a really weird feeling. I found myself listening to End Credits, by Chase & Status yesterday. I wanted to cry. But I feel kind of purposeless in doing so as it’s not me that has the right to cry.

I feel selfish right now.

On the upside, I got my new wheel arches through the post today. They certainly made me smile. I just hope that when they are fitted, one of Miffy’s admirers, one of my best friend, will be there to compliment her… She would be upset if not

Well, to any readers today, if you’re feeling low, look up, and listen to Adele. That’s who I’m listening to now, and I’m smiling on the outside, purposely.

Ciao x

An Itch

I am really struggling at the moment with a really small thing in my head. It’s irritating me more than anything I’ve ever encountered before. I don’t want to say what it is, because as soon as I say something it will constantly be in my thoughts. Yeah, one of those kind of issues.

See, it’s not like it’s a huge pain, because it’s not. It’s literally something that pops into your head at the most inconvenient times. You can’t even control when it “pops”. I just don’t want to think about it. An itch that can turn into a pain if you like? If you don’t get rid of it, it will linger and just become a rash. Argh!

Small blog today I think. I just needed to let out my frustration on the situation. Maybe I’ll sit and try and rule it out like I have been for the past few weeks. Slap myself every time I think about it and snap out of it. You think…?

Well, yeah, I’ll do that…

Final Ta Ta.

It’s a gloomy day here in Portsmouth today. Silver sky, and the willow tree outside my window has not a hint of movement. Strange how things can be on a day like today.

At work, we have a very close team consisting on receptionists, sales consultants, fitness consultants, and of course the managers. Not so long ago, a big team player, and good friend of everyone who works there, regretfully passed away. We were all extremely shocked, upset, but dealt with it in our own ways and were there to support the General Manager, his brother. It’s taken a few weeks to pull on top, but we have all done so well, and I am proud. Because it’s shows the world how working well as a team can be important in every aspect of a career.

Well, today is Pete’s funeral. I haven’t written in a couple of days out of lack of inspiration. I came up to my room and opened my laptop to stick some tunes on whilst I got ready for today’s, um… events? If you like. The tunes are not playing, Facebook is not open. Instead, I am writing in thought of Pete and all his family. Window open wide, listening to the emptiness of the air. I’ve not attended a funeral before, and so don’t quite know what to expect. But this morning is every bit that I imagined on a day like today. If I stop typing…….. I can hear my watch ticking (it’s a very loud watch, actually rather irritating on most days), a humming from some kind of machinery outside, only very faint and low pitched, our pendulum clock downstairs, the fan running between 2800 and 2810 RPM on my laptop, a magpie, and my breathing. Together, they’re all very peaceful sounds.

I’m never really very sentimental, or really too keen on just sitting and listening. But I just don’t feel respectful doing anything else today. It’s going to be a long one I think. I’m expecting a very large return. Family, friends, staff. The dress code is black and orange, or black and gold. I’ve gone for subtle black and gold. I feel rather nervous and thought not to go overboard for that reason. I suppose most people wouldn’t really blog about something like this, but I guess it kinda helps to set it down. I can read back and later and remember how this day was. I find myself stopping to listen to those sounds again, not really knowing what to write next.

Maybe I’ll leave it now.

Nos Da Pete, fy ffrind x

We All Love Mondays… Right?

There’s not even an image that justifies how terribly wrong my Monday went this week, so I’m afraid this is no picture book. This will probably be my first proper rant on my blog, and hopefully one of very little.So…. This is going to be a long one….

We all know how getting up and going to work on a Monday morning can be the most strenuous of a 5 day. After a weekend off, enjoying chill-axing and catching up with the homies, it’s inevitably going to be difficult until at least 11am, when you realise lunch is calling you. My job consists of sociable hours and I felt nothing but human again after having this weekend just gone, yes… OFF! Yippee! Worked a normal Monday to Friday last week, had a weekend off, and came back to work Monday like most the guys and gals. Well, in all honesty, my Monday started early. About 11pm Sunday night. About to head out for a drive to notice that I had a flat tyre. Immediately, I blamed the scum of the world for slashing my rubber, before assessing that it was in fact only a nail. Dang!! Well, I had to bite the dust and just put the spare on (and I have a space-saver, geh!). Now anyone who is returning reader will see from my previous post that I have relatively wide wheels. The space-saver, indeed, looked ridiculous! Never mind. I drove to work the next morning at 6am knowing that I would have to find a solutions for my wheel/trye during work.

The matter wasn’t really a big issue, more of an annoyance. Something that happens to most people once in their driving lives. So it was no biggy, just the inconvenience. So I just cracked on really. But as soon as I got to work, another matter arose. Completely unrelated. And a related one is usually just a further annoyance. For this very moment to happen, well… I really could of done without it.

I parked next to very ill parked Ford KA. On the white line and everything. It’s still dark. I refuse to park pissed because the person in the space along is, so I parked normally, right in the middle of my bay, knowing I should be careful of my door when getting out. Despite knowing that if it were the other way round the driver wouldn’t give a shit, I thought I’d still be courteous. While getting out with my work bag, AND my gym bag, my car key got stuck. As I yanked it due to trying to get out of the car, my door nudged and very (and I mean very) lightly hit the Ford KA. I felt bad knowing I would be annoyed and openly put my hands up and mouthed “sorry” to the driver who was waiting to go into the gym. (I work in the gym in case you were getting confused of my actual where-abouts). She looked at me and made no action and carried on with whatever she was doing so I took this as a vague “that’s alright, just watch it!”. As I carried on trying to unhook my key from my car, the driver got out and did that whole, walk to where the car was hit, rub hands all over, look a little closer, closer again yet still and then wait for your reaction. I said to her, “I am sorry, it was ever so light and there’s no mark.”. She disagreed. She felt over the hugest dent and scratch and asked for my insurance details. I got very annoyed. I won’t go into details, but I remained calm and kind, furious never -the-less, and told her I would set inside and then chat to her when the gym was open. She then accused me of doing, quote “a hit and run”. WTF…..!? I told her I worked there and would be there for 9 hours. I hoped this would be reassuring enough. Eventually it was left and she came inside and persisted. My boss told her to get on with her workout and chat to me when she was more calm, and then the lady walked off. I seized the opportunity to take lots of photos. It became very clear when I opened my car door again to line it up with hers, that there was no mark, or dent, or even paint transfer in any place other than around where I had been. In fact, the whole wing was smothered in popped out dents, scrapes (from what looked like a lamp post), and scracthes. This woman was looking for someone to pay for her carelessness…. After returning to my reception inside, she returned for my details. I refused after consulting a few people, and told her to take it up with the police. My number plate was on the car, what more did she need. I never heard from her again. Today… she parked next to my car, so I scanned her in at reception, took her name, and looked at my car. Luckily, she didn’t have the nerve to try and return my move. Thank god. But meh at the same time. I was ready to flip if she did.

Overall, Monday was probably the worst day of the year so far, and will remain high in the book forever more I think. Lesson learnt for me though. Don’t get a key trapped. At least my friend managed to help get my puncture repaired. I still owe her a few teas I reckon. Especially for helping me put it back on the car.

Lost for words…

For once in my life, I actually have nothing to say. Nothing different has happened, maybe a few things here and there. Nothing spesh. I have decided what to do with my car I suppose. It has rusty sills and wheel arches. And this has increased in growth vastly over the past 6 months it’s unreal. Poor Miffy (my 1995 Mazda MX5) is rotting beyond belief and it’s been hard to fund a repair. But with a bit of pot luck, I am expecting a little dollar this weekend which should help towards my piggy bank.

The work was valued at around this side of £500. That’s for the sills on both sides to be cut out, and replaced with new metal. The price also included the arches to be cut out and a repair panel welded on and then the whole lot sprayed too. Fortunately for me, I live right round the corner from a company called MX5 Parts. The company sell near everything. It is fairly priced, as they do supply genuine parts, however they have never failed me. They helped me a lot in 2009 when I had to fully repair my car from an accident, and helped supply most the parts and point me in the right direction should they not have what I needed. Well, in this scenario, I was looking for a rear wing, which, yes, they supply. But they gave me a bit more information which would save me the world… They also do a repair panel for arches alone so the wing doesn’t need to be replaced. This saves you repairing the whole wing, and a hell of a lot of dosh.

Hey, look, we got talking!

Well, what I have decided to do, given all those options, is to cut out my rotten wheel arch (yes, with an angle-grinder :/), and bolt on a set of wide arch extensions which can be picked up from a company on eBay called Universal Intercoolers. They sell for around £99.00 and will save me a lot of money and add width to the car which is what my original intention was anyway. Job done! As for the sill, I can’t really give any further advice than to get the repair panel from MX5 Parts or any other company you come across that sell them. I have managed to find a nice chap that will repair my sills for £140.00 both sides, AND get the wide arch extensions on for me too (fluttering my eyelids much? Maybe ;P). But body repair shops generally work in different ways, and therefore set their own prices. It’s down to you to haggle on your own I’m afraid. If you’re a girl, easy peasy. If you’re a guy, get your girl to go down. It does help. Guaranteed.

Well, it’s not much, but it’s definitely something to help any MX5 owner out with, considering they all love a bit of water under their lips.

The day the Apple bit back.

Well as previous readers would know, I have had a few issues with my iPhone 3g. I managed to return to Apple on Friday to see, yet again, what the issue could be. The first answer I got from this chap, was “You are actually 72 days out of warranty.”. This sucked big time. The three times I had been in previously, I had also been out of warranty. Why could I not have been told this in the first place?

Now, Apple have always been good to help, and they did seem rather sincere and regretful to give me this information, especially so late. But this time, there really is nothing they can do but offer me a replacement handset for £139.00 and part ex of my current handset. Now considering, even in their own notes from previous visits, that my iPhone is in “extremely good condition, and always kept in protective case”, I am really not to keen in this option. I could sell my iPhone easily on eBay for a minimum of £150.00, so when you add that together I am paying over the odds for a phone they don’t even manufacture anymore. I may as well wait out my contract for the rest of it’s term (7 months) and upgrade to the, hopefully then, iPhone 5? Please?

I have to rant on this rather upsetting information that Apple have given me, because in the past they have been nothing BUT helpful. Only last month, I bought an album on iTunes for abooouuuut *thinks back*, maybe £7.99. It had 72 tracks, but I had awful trouble downloading. I put it down to absolute shoddy internet connection, provided by, ahem, Virgin… But even when I, dare I say, tried next doors unsecured network, I still failed to download the remaining few tracks. I emailed the support team at iTunes, and ‘Michael’ was really helpful. He gave me some troubleshooting options, which unfortunately for them, failed. Eventually it kicked in and I was left with one yet stubborn track to download, typically then one I really wanted. Another email went to Michael, in short term, saying that it was ok, I had downloaded most the album, and that I was only missing one track but I didn’t mind too much and basically, thanking him for all his help. To my suprise he replied within 12 hours, to say that he had credited my account with 5 songs so I could download the one I wanted and 4 further more of my choice for being a very nice customer and for the inconvenience. All this time, it was clearly not a problem of Apple, but of Virgin, but yet still they never ceased to help, and thanks Michael for all your help once again.

Another perfect example, I bought an Apple MacBook about two and a half years ago. I love it. I got a white one. White is the way forward. Probably why I’ve always loved Apple to be honest (aside from their unique customer services and simplified way of making anything work smoothly). I took out the extended 3 year warranty to cover my over £800.00 worth of goods, afterall it was only another few pennies in comparison to the receipt so why not? I wasn’t risking anything. Not long after I bought the laptop, I found a problem with the screen. Being previously trained in something called ‘colour correction’ from my last job printing photos, I was never happy with the colour of my screen. No matter how much I tried to calibrate it, it never printed a true colour. So off to Apple I trot. I explained my dilemma, and with a rather estranged look on their faces, they did  a diagnoses check to find a small circuit board/censor ‘thing’ inside was corrupt. They took my laptop away for a weekend and I had it returned on time with a new ‘thing’ and a new screen. The receipt came to fair bit of money, I looked in shock, and thanked myself for the 3 year warranty. I had the same issue when my lithium battery failed on me and was diagnosed as “bad”. This was at least the word that came up on their screen when they plugged it in. Made me chuckle.

So thank you Apple for always helping me, because if you hadn’t in the past, I would have taken my iPhone dilemma a little more seriously and kicked off a bit in your store. I would say that’s some amazing pro-active retention right there, and just goes to show what you can achieve with a smile and an apology. I will see you in 7 months for my new phone please

Thinking space.

Well I haven’t exactly had a post in a while. And almost felt that I might be letting my readers down by not bothering today. So here we go…

So over the past few days I’ve been in a bit of a pickle. I’ve had my thoughts flying in a scribble on the page, not knowing who I can turn to, what to write, where to write it. And every time I see a name flash up on my phone, or on the second tab of my Firefox page, I couldn’t even care less who it could be from, or what it could say. To be quite honest with you, I’ve rather enjoyed having a bit of ‘me’ time. But never-the-less, apologies for the delay. I am back, and hopefully on the correct course. I’ve done a lot of organising and sorting, and think I am finally coming to a conclusion.

I have been thinking a lot over determinism and libertarianism over the course of a few weeks now. I don’t know why I have turned to philosophy for comfort, but whatever my reasoning, it seems to be working. There has been a lot of debate over whether my life revolves around the philosophical belief of determinism, or whether I am slowly becoming liberal (despite the fact that I would never let this persuade my vote on the election, please do take note of that…). For those who don’t know what I am talking about, libertarians believe in freedom, tolerance and responsibility. To find your own passage and make you’re own decisions for a life of freedom, peace and happiness, to honor other people’s decisions, and not to influence others in a forceful nature unless in self defense. Determinism on the other hand, states that every human decision or action, or and affair involved in ones life, is the effect of previous occurrences, that in due time, catch up with each to create the present. In a short term, fate.

“Nothing occurs at random, but everything for a reason and by necessity.” – Leucippus

I am a big believer in fate. I have always, more out of curiosity, read my horoscopes. And if what Leucippus believed in was true, that everything was the cause of atomic movement, then maybe our horoscopes could be slightly true. A possibility built along thousands and millions of people. Can these messages of “complete nonsense” actually have a theory behind them? For example, and for only arguments sake, heres mine for today:

“The early part of the day might find you sluggish and indecisive, Gemini, but later you should be psyched up and ready to go. Today marks the beginning of a new period in which you should set your ideas in motion. Action is the key. Think before you speak and use caution when talking about other people. Make sure your discussions about others don’t turn into gossip.”

Do I believe in this because I want to? Or because my mind tells me to? I have indeed kept myself to myself today…

I have made a lot of decisions over the past few weeks. But at the same time, events over the past months have lead up to this point. One particular occurance in my life at the moment, probably the hardest one encountered in a long time, has created over the events that have taken place over the past… what? 3 years? A complete miss-match of time. Two bodies completely missing each other at every available chance. It’s taken that long for these two atoms to collide for sure.

I don’t quite know where I’m going with this one to be honest with you. And I guess that’s why they call it a blog. This one is literally as a diary to me. So maybe when I am slightly more enlightened on these above theories, I will tidy up. But for now, I might just carry on reading those horoscopes. As I have done for the past few years. Or is it maybe a cheat on life? Do I really want to know what’s lying round the corner? Should I believe in destiny? Or should I believe in Determinism? To be or not to be, that is the question…. ? Haha!

Ciao